Transcript
Welcome, everybody, to PDQ IT D&D, the show of many acronyms. I'm your Game Master, Jake, and I am indeed a PDQ employee, but not as an in-house Game Master, unfortunately, except for today. I'm getting paid to do this. Nice. Let's introduce our players. First, Mark, he works here. I do. Austin, he works here. Work here, yes. Bianca, she doesn't work here. Mark, what do you do for PDQ? I'm a DevOps Manager. DevOps Manager. Very good. Very important. He, the company would crumble without him. Austin, what do you do? I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't, I don't think anybody does. The company would still crumble without me. My title is just my name. It's insane how that works. He's the Austin, the lead Austin of Team Austin. Senior Austin Engineer over here. Mark is right. Without your personality and antics, the company would crumble as well. And you do not work for PDQ, but what do you do? No, but the company would still crumble without me. It's true. It would. Indirectly. Yeah. I am married to you. That is true. I just learned that. Yeah. Full-time job. Congrats. That's crazy. That's my full-time job is being married to you. It takes a lot of work. So much work. Well, we're glad that you came in as a guest today. All right, everybody. A little housekeeping. Like, subscribe, of course, and join discord.gg slash PDQ. And this is the most important part. Comment on the video at any point to enter yourself a chance to win one of these custom desk mats. But yeah, you can win. All you got to do is just comment on the video. That's it. I'll remind you one more time later, but I think without further ado, let's get into the session. You ready? Act one. The incident response team, or IRT, or IRT. The security operations citadel, or the SOC, usually hums with soothing green runes. Not today. Today, the master scrying orb in the citadel courtyard pulses a sickly blood red. The high technology officer, Brent, bursts through the doors, a self-typing laptop floating beside him. The letters are locked, he gasps. And the ransom is more than our entire treasury. And then we hard cut to your enchanted pagers chiming in unison, but you're all in different places. So who wants to describe where they are and what they look like when they answer their pager first? I'll go first. Okay, okay. In a dark lit room, a man sits alone with a bag of Cheetos. The pager goes, bzzz, bzzz, oh, what the heck? He picks up the pager, emergency, ugh, what, today? Are you kidding me? This was, the new DLC was about to release for Minecraft. I don't understand this. Whatever. He gets up out of his chair, he dusts the Cheetos off of him. And then you notice there's a button on the side of the pager that says teleport to sender? When my character notices this, he says, back to work, I suppose. They don't pay me enough for this. And he presses the button. All right. And you just go, bzzz, and you teleport away. And then who's next? I'm just sitting down to a D&D session that we've been waiting for for a long time with all my friends. And the pager goes off right before the first roll. I'm like, ugh, not again. And you have to cancel the, you have to cancel the session after everyone's already showed up. Everyone's showed up. We've been planning through this for months and it is locked down and I'm the only one who can help. So we'll have to reschedule, guys. Sorry about this. Okay. And what are you, what does your character look like? So I am actually a blue Dragonborn character and I was going to see some long lost Dragonborn friends of all different colors and it was time to go back. Very nice. Okay. So you're disappointed friends watch as you click teleport to sender and you zip away. But Austin, you get, you didn't get to describe what your character looked like. You want to do that real quick? He's a, he's a human, a human man. So in, in your AI image here, he looks like a robot. Is that all armor? Yeah. That's ideally end state. That's what he sees himself as a protector of the way it is and the way it is. Yes. Okay. Perfect. All right. And then of course we go to, oh yeah. And names, character names. Oh, uh, red. It tour. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nice job. Red. Yeah. And then your name was Lord. Lord. My Lord. My Lord. Cool. All right. We'll go over to you. Yeah. You see this desk, super cluttered. It's got all these like tchotchkes and little like trinkets and things. And you see this dwarf with wild, massive blonde, curly hair pulled back. And she's got this headset on that's glowing. And she's just clicking through and she's like, please hold your call is important to us. And then she gets this little beep and she's like, oh, a mission. Okay. Here we go. And she presses a little button. Okay. She just, she just eats out of her day job. She does. She goes to a more important job. What's her name? Her name is Dot.Net. Perfect. Nice. Yeah. I love that. Okay. Very nice. Those are our characters. Everybody zips in right in front of HTO Brent. He sees you guys all and he's like, wow, that was, that was really fast. I'm glad you're here. The incident response team. Are you ready for the hardest mission you've ever faced in your life? Sounds pretty bad. It's actually really annoying that you called me, but that's fine. I'm really excited to be here. I'm really sorry to have interrupted whatever you were doing, guarding the servers of discord and Reddit. I know it's a noble cause, but listen, the entire kingdom's payroll and citizen ledger is at risk of being permanently corrupted, leaving our society in a void of complete anonymity. We'd have to entirely rewrite our identities and financial system from the ground up. You incident response agents are the only ones who can stop this and you'll earn double overtime if you do. Double overtime. Indeed. And also there will be lunch. Oh, free food. Yes. Come in. Their deadline is midnight. Who's they you ask? Well, they. Who's they? They're known as the ransom cabal, a highly skilled and ruthless cabal of shadow technomancers who prey on small to medium societies like ours. So your job is simple. You need to venture into the dark web woods, destroy the source of the attack, what is known as the ransom white, and extract from it the private key, a magical artifact of pure silicone that can bypass any encryption one single time. That's the only thing that can reverse this. Or we could pay them. Paying the ransom is quite simply financial ruin. They're demanding five million and they want it encrypted currency. There's no way we can pay this and survive as a society. So it has to come to violence, unfortunately. Are you ready for violence? Well, I suppose I guess I'm ready for violence. I would much rather not fight them, but that's fine. Listen, if there's a way that you can do this without fighting, without destroying anything, then more power to you. But I unfortunately believe it might come to a fight. I'm really good at de-escalating situations. That's a very good skill to have. Thank you. Very noble, yes. Thank you. As a helpdesk cleric like yourself. It's my first day, tier two. I got a promotion. Congratulations. Thank you. I should have gotten it a while ago, but better late than never. I'll see to it that we prepare a melon bar and an egg bar as well as a reward. You don't have to do that. I mean, I was expecting it, but you don't have to do that. And continue this good work and you'll all maybe have a waffle party. Are you serious? I actually really love waffles. Good. Good. So, you are the only ones that can handle something like this. Are you up to the task? Yes. Yes. Yes. Here we go. Okay. Well, one more warning. Oh, yes. And there's an image of the ransom note as well. Oh, my lord. Yes. Their design work is actually not too bad. It's impeccable. Right? I think they made that in Canva. It's nice that they considered business days. I don't want to do this on my time off. Today's Friday, so you have some extra time. But still, we have to get it done. A warning as well. The Citadel's defenses have been corrupted and may view you as intruders. Unfortunately, until they are out of our system, there is nothing we can do, so you'll have to use your best judgment. For each of you, a potion. Just in case. And he gives you a white monster. Oh, my favorite. The monster of your choice. An orange monster. My favorite. They replenish one spell slot if you drink it, when you drink it, and it's a bonus action to drink it. Anything else you want to ask, HTO, Brent, or are you guys ready to head? Brent, I hate to ask, but will there be any fair maidens on this adventure? I like where your head's at. Yes. Probably not. I don't like... Yes. It's okay. Didn't say no. I suppose I already said yes, so I guess I'm on this trip. There's a non-zero chance. Will I get any karma for this? I don't understand. We will see, too. Well, I'll have an entire team go to your profile and upvote everything you've ever done. How about that? Even the really bad stuff? You can't put a price on that. All right. So we have a quick getting ready montage, like Batman style, strapping on the gear. How do you guys each kind of get ready? Any rituals you guys do before a mission? I grab an amulet, a necklace with a Microsoft logo, and I pull it out of its special case and I don it. And it starts to glow with eldritch power. I will need all of your powers today for this incident. And Bill Gates is like... Yep. Looking down. Looking up. That's beautiful. Red puts on his chain mail. He hits up his Discord kit and says, I will be back. Listen, let's not let things get out of hand while I'm gone. Yeah. It's a part of my ways. You're in charge now. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I refill my... I have a forged, like, big thermos full of coffee. I refill it and I change my Slack status to out of office. That's the first time. It is the first time. I haven't left the office in so long. I just love it. Five years. Five years. And you just got tier two? I know. Like I said, it's overdue. Yeah. Worked really hard. Okay. And everybody gets ready and meets at the end of the courtyard of the SOC. To enter the Darkweb Woods, you must first cross the realm's perimeter defense, a literal wall of magical roaring fire that stretches into the sky. The firewall. Hmm. The ports. The wall has three iron doors, large iron doors, each marked with a glowing number. There's door 80, door 443, and door 22. Door 80 seems to be wide open, but is guarded by heavily armored, slow-moving golems. Door 443, the door is closed and there seems to be a large cryptographic padlock on it. And door 22 is wide open and nothing seems to be around it. God, who left door 22 wide open? Well, that's the easiest one. Yeah. Red's looking at the big golems and the lock and the open 22 and says, I think this is the easiest thing I've ever decided in my life. Okay. So that means you're approaching door 22? He starts moving that way. Like, yeah, he starts walking. Okay. Okay. Do you guys follow him? Yeah. I don't. Okay. No. Okay. I do so cautiously. All right. So you two are heading towards 22. What are you doing? I'm hanging back. I'm looking at the golems at 80. Okay. I want to see if they move around or if they... They seem to be just, yeah, patrolling that door. Okay. They're like keeping vigilance, watchful eye on it. They don't care about the other doors? Correct. Okay. So we'll go to door 22. If you're there, go ahead and roll me a stealth check. Just add your dexterity and... First roll. That's a nat one for my first roll. Wow, really? This is going to go well. That's how promotions are decided. Yeah, that's why I haven't gotten promoted. So, oh, I got a nat 20. Oh my God. So you got a nat 20, you got a nat one. Are you kidding me? Okay, I'm going to say your nat 20 is going to cancel out the nat one. So she starts to like trip heading for door 22 and you're like... I got you my way, dude. You've already saved a damsel. Tripped over my wire. Thank you. Okay, don't do it again. Perfectly grabs you like the back of your shirt and you like don't fall and just like... There you go, my lady. He's able to like sneakily find the little pathway through door 22 without tripping any wires or alerting any security of what might be there. But what about our dragonborn? I see them go through without any problem. Looks fine. Hey, wait up. Okay, roll me a stealth. Seven, okay. You guys... Wait, as he goes, I like push my little headset and I'm like, you can do it. Just go over that little wire there and I'm going to cast guidance. Oh, thank God, because I did not see that. Okay, and I'll say that that's help action as well. So you go ahead and roll with advantage. So roll one more time and you can add a d4. But you start to trip as well. Like it starts to get really blurry and fiery. That's a nat 20 with a plus three. Oh, that's what I should do. Yeah, I almost tripped on that wire while I did it. Yeah, that was a tricky one. But Red saved me. He's been sailing now. Red whispers, I didn't even trip on anything. I saw it the first time. It's so obvious. It was actually crazy easy. So with some luck and helping each other out, you guys are able to slip through door 22. There was like hidden security in there. So as you pass through it, you just sneak just past the wires and you avoid tripping anything. And now out in front of you is this big dark forest. Yeah, and this the Citadel is like guarded from the outside. And this, the Citadel is like guarded from this dark forest by this huge firewall. And so now you're out in the woods. You guys heading down the path? Yeah. It's the only place to go. They need us there. I think we can get this done in an hour. I got somewhere to be. Where are you going? They're waiting for me. Yeah. My little Sleazers is on the way. My favorite pizza joint in Faerun. So once through the firewall, the environment shifts. The woods are draped in shadows. The trees look glitchy and pixelated and wandering hooded NPCs wear featureless masks. You guys walking down this creepy forest and you see a goblin poke his head out and he goes, hold up there. Hey, you guys hold. You're walking right through my forest. We got somewhere to be. Yeah. Well, where do you got to go? You don't know your way through these woods, do you? Admittedly? No. Right. You do not know what I know. Actually, I do know where I'm going. You wandered through these woods on your own and you're going to find yourself as one of these glitchy pixelated guys over here. Listen, you need my help. My name's the Onion. You can just call me the Onion. And listen, it's pretty simple. I got a couple riddles for you. You do the riddles correctly. I show you exactly where the White's lair is. And that's what you're looking for, right? I got sources. I know things. Wow. You have a lot of layers. That's really strange. How did you- Literally. Are you making fun of me? Yes. Now, do you agree to the challenge? Well, I guess. Or do you want to wander on your own and see what you find? We've only been here five minutes. Isn't that bad? I'm going to give you the riddles and you can decide if you want to answer them or not. So here's number one. It's right there on the screen. I am a map in four parts, divided by points of ink. I guide the traveler to the gate, but I never step inside. To find the path, you must resolve me. What am I? I hate school. I don't want to think. And you can roll a history or arcana if you want to get a hint. I shall do that. Onion, what happens if we guess wrong? Yeah. Okay. That's a 21 for Dot. Ooh, okay. Can I have a hint, please? 22 on history. Your hint is, think of the numbers that lead to the destination. Four numbers that lead to the destination. Four numbers that lead to a destination. My brain still hurts. You only know words. Numbers. I wish I had my computer right now. Okay, roll me another arcana or history. I mean, if you want to farm for another hint. Yeah. Do you? No. Okay. You seem like you know what it is. Do you? Yeah. Is this IP address? That's correct. Yeah. You're first. Yay. I'm still getting used to the theme of this campaign. The fact that your real job of PDQ. I honestly didn't even think about it. I'm not thinking IT at all. It is weird combining the two, but you got it. Very nice. Our Dragonborn Warlock is like an IP address. I've been around Warlock a few times. I would have gotten that. I know that. That was what you were going to say next, right? Yes. Very impressive. Now, we have one more, and if you get it right, well, guess what? I'm going to take you straight to the doorstep of where you need to go. All right? So, riddle number two. I am a scroll with no bottom. I am a task with no end. I consume the mind of the worker until the system itself screams for mercy. I am the Ouroboros of the script. That's a tough one, Onion. I'm not going to lie to you, Onion. It sucks. Yeah, it's tough, huh? It's hard. Oh, I wish I had my database. Is there any chance if I could get a hint on this? Roll me an Arcana or History. Your choice. No. It's a five. You're just like, I wish I had my computer. No bottom. I literally can't think without Mythos right now. I need Quad. I tried to pray to my manager through my headset. Ooh, there's a good idea. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Pray to my manager. You're escalating this ticket. I'd like to escalate this to my manager. Okay, then roll with advantage as you go on your headset. That's pretty good. Okay, got an 18 and a 3. So, that's a 21. Okay. Thank God he called. In your brain, in your headset, you're here. Oh, yeah, I heard you. I heard you. So, basically think, what happens when code forgets how to stop? Okay. My manager said, what happens when code forgets to stop? Yeah, that's right. Code's got to remember those things. Yeah. Any guess, any guess. Let's see. Okay, you go. Oh, sorry. Is this a for loop? Is this a for loop? That's correct. It's a loop. Oh. Infinite loop. I knew that, actually. The Ouroboros. Oh, that Ouroboros. Oh, that one. That one, yeah. It's just like God of War. Very nice. Very nice. Now, all you got to do is, you got to walk this way about 40 minutes, and then you got to bank on the first left you see, and keep going, and then wrap into the woods, get off the path, and then you're going to be there. All right? Okay. Thanks, Onion. Wow, Onion. You're a good router. I'm the Onion router. Don't forget it. You're not a waitie, so I don't care about you. Onion routed. Now, you guys have a lot of fun, and don't forget to kill the Ransom White. Wow. Wait, I got more questions. I have asthma. So, he gave you directions, keeping on, keeping on? Yeah. Yep. 40 minutes. 40 minute walk. As you navigate, ahead of you, you start to see something glowing, like glowing gold right in the middle of the path, and as you get closer, it seems to be like a glowing golden treasure chest. That's what you see from a distance, but if you keep walking towards it further, you'll be able to see more. Oh, my God. Reddit gold. Yeah, put a price on that. Reddit started running for- It's a catchphrase. Yeah. Starts dashing towards the Reddit gold. Wait. You're dashing? Yeah. Okay. You get up close to it, and there's a sign, a small sign next to it that says, click here for a free legendary longsword. Let's hear it. Longsword. That is not reddit gold. I really don't care. So I catch up. Okay. I'm going to say, I'll click here. I don't know if I trust this. I'm going to use my sandbox. I'm going to cast mage hand and click it with my mage hand. Okay. That's interesting. Okay. You stumped the world. Your mage hand creeps up and goes to click the button on the chest. As it does, your mage hand gets stuck to the chest, and it starts to wiggle, and it starts to open its mouth, and you see that it's a mimic, but it hasn't attacked you. It's attacking the hand? Yeah. It's like, what's going on? What is this? I don't think we're getting our legendary great sword. But since it was your mage hand, it hasn't noticed you guys yet, so it's up to you whether you want to circumvent or attack. Do we want to clear this out for other people? Yeah, I think we better. This is going to be a problem for other users in the future. I will give you a call. Yeah, he will. And I don't want more calls. I suppose it is our duty to do this. It is our jobs. Okay. Yeah. So we're attacking? Like another promotion. Attacking the mimic? Yes. Roll initiative. Okay. Either Malort or Red, start us off, since you're both on initiative 15. What? Red? Yeah, you go first. No, no, no. No, no, no. I don't want you to be like, Malort, Red, go get him. You've been talking about how good you've been fighting for this whole time. I can't wait to see you in action. I told you I'd do this. The flaws of my character are about to realize themselves. Good job on the mage hand, by the way. Thanks. Always good to be cautious. Am I within five? I tried to make it the most obvious mimic of all time. Not yet, but you could move up. I'm going to move up. Okay. Moving up that way? Right in its face. Okay, right in its face. All Red has is a shield right now. Use your words. Stop this. Stop fighting. Stop it, Pwintess. Stop this. We do not have to fight. It's fine. Do not make me use my worded powers on you. You'll feel my wrath. All right, so are you using an action or are you just getting up in its face? I'm just getting in the way, yeah. Okay. You'd be trying to intimidate it or something? You could do like a taunt. Yeah, I guess I'll taunt it, yeah. Yeah. You can use an action to intimidate. Oh, you rascal. It's so scary. Okay, yeah. Roll an intimidation check. Okay. 17. Minus one. My charisma sucks. So 16. That's still pretty good. I think it's like, yeah, it looks at you and it starts chomping its teeth. And yeah, it's going to attack our paladin first when it gets to its turn. Good job on the taunt. And then we go to Malort. I'm going to get within, well, actually, no, I'm going to stay right where I'm at because I'm assuming I'm within 120 feet of it and say, we need to clear this out. I'm going to cast Eldritch Blast. Ooh, the classic. Eldritch Blast. That's me saying that. Yes. That would be a 22 to hit. 22 to hit is going to do it. Eldritch Blast, the funnest spell in the game. When you get to high levels, you have like three beams. Finger guns. All right. That's a seven force damage. Seven force. Not bad. The mimic gets slapped in the face by a huge Eldritch Blast and just recoils and then hisses at you, but sees red still like banging on his shield and its face. And it's still a little ticked off. Don't mess with us. Yeah. Nice. Then we go. Sick. I say, oh, this looks like a problem. I'm going to open a ticket. And then I press my headset and cast Toll of the Dead on it. But you just hit, here's this horrible like old dial up tone. So it's just like. And it needs to take or make a wisdom saving throw. It gets a nine. So it does not save. So it takes 1d8 necrotic damage. Very nice. Very nice. That'd be great. If that actually caused damage in real life. Every time you get on the internet. How much do you want it? It does. It does hurt. Oh, it is missing some of its hit points, right? Yeah. Oh, then it takes 1d12 necrotic damage. So it hurts extra. That is 10 damage. 10? Uh huh. Oh, nice. That's pretty good. Yeah. Okay. She tolls the dead and shakes this mimic's head as this horrible noise reverberates in its ears. And then anything else from Dot? Nope. That's it. Okay. We do go to the mimic now. It's going to try to attack our. It's going to kind of go this way. So it breaks eye line with you guys and it's going to attack our red. Oh dear. He's going to try and bite. Oh, that's a nat one. It tries to lunge at you and because of the nat one, you're able to kind of get your shield up just enough to hit it in one of its eyes. And it takes a d4 of damage. Red looks shocked that he even hit something. Whoa. This is. I shouldn't have done that. Okay. That's the, that's the mimic. Crappy turn for it. I don't think it has two attacks. No, it does not. Okay. That was a failed bite. And then we go back up to Malort or red. Oh, good. So it tried to hit me. I accidentally hit it. You've, you've made me come to this and it pulls out his net as he has a net. Yes, it is. A net. I'm going to try and catch it. I'm going to make you one of my discord kittens if you keep this up. He's still threatening it. If he's not, doesn't want to catch, well actually I'm going to try to, I don't know how big this net is. I'm trying to imagine how big the chest is. It's probably too big, but he's still going to try, it's too small. There's no way. He's going to try to capture it on a net that's obviously too small. All right, roll, make, make a, I don't know what, it's still an attack roll. I want to see a 20 on this. A grapple. I'll say it's a grapple. So your strength. Uh, 13. Uh, and I, uh, Dot's like, uh, yeah, just hit it right there. So guidance, you can roll an additional. Oh, so you're D4. Oh, D4. Sorry. Three. Yep. Three. Okay. So total was. It was a 17. Okay. That's pretty good. Let's see if it. You're going to catch this. I really want you to catch it. This doesn't make sense. It's impossible. Strength. It gets an 18. Did you add all of your things? Okay. So it, you, you get the net over, it's like, cause mimics have these big long tongues that can grapple people. So you get, you get the net over the tongue and like trap it for a second, but it just gets too strong, a little too strong and it whips your net back, pushes it away. But you almost had its tongue captured. I've captured Disco kittens harder than you. Yeah. All right. Perfect. Uh, anything else from red? Uh, that was, that's an action. That was an action, I don't think I can yeah, I'm just gonna keep Kind of getting in its face. Yeah. Yeah, perfect for my lord again. No, you got to bring it down more before you throw the pokeball Go ahead and throw another Eldritch blast. Okay, and you have to put it to sleep, too That's a 16 to hit 16 hits very nice Yeah, that isn't not 10. So that's 10 forced damage You guys are doing well Okay, all right and then dot All right. Let's escalate this damage and I cast guiding bolt on it I press a little button on my headset and it like laser points at it. Okay 17 a hit. Mm-hmm. Okay, so then that's that's 15 damage. Mm-hmm 15. Holy cow Yeah, this thing's already looking pretty bad as it gets hit by this Radiant blast right in its eyes and it's go, you know yeah, I flagged this guy for you, so it should be easier to hit next time and He's got a bolt on him now has advantage on the next hit very nice Okay, but it is gonna go to the mimic. It's gonna try and long tongue pseudopod to try and trap red It gets a 19 to hit that it's okay, so it's 1d8 bludgeoning and 1d8 acid 11 and You are now grappled by it Wraps its tongue around you and it's got your arms like this at your sides. Nobody makes me a discord kitten Okay Tongue You grappled for the time being but then it goes to back up to the top So either red you can try and break out of the grapple first or Malort. You can go that's too far Now you got to go fight it Give it retaliation Yeah Yeah Okay, try I'm gonna try to break out but he's trying to fight Yeah Obviously weakly not he doesn't want he doesn't want to hurt it. Yeah, so it's like pacifism Is that kind of what's happening here? I think of it like Yeah Like he thinks he knows how to fight, but is terrible at it, okay? Fair enough, but yeah, just roll me a strength to see if you can get out and add a d4 for guidance I say hit that Sweet oh That's a 15 Yeah, you got it. You got it DC was 13, okay So you're able to just use your action to kind of yeah squeeze out of this pseudopod. Let go of me nice and Then it goes to Malort and it's this thing still has guiding bolt on it. So if you attack you'll have advantage I'm tired of seeing it. I'm gonna walk up to it. I'm gonna actually order staff this time. Very nice And be like stop that okay You have advantage 12 just hits that's right This is less damage, but that's funny. That's a two damage to damage sort of bonk it over the head a little bit stop it You can speak Wait we should try reasoning with this I'll never stop doing the things I'm doing Okay good you got a hidden it's damage why not okay dot you're up again, okay, I'm gonna Rub my feet on The little bit of carpet that exists in this forest in my brain and static shock it with a fire bolt, okay nice Fire bolt II. Oh, no, I'm not Okay an eight an eight that Does not hit no cool, but no like guiding bolt expires when it gets back to her. Oh, I see You can't sorry dude Because you've been talking up how great It's Mark talking to Austin or is Real life right now in the office All right I'll use a bonus action day healing word Red okay, give you back beautiful 2d 4 plus my spellcasting mode. That's a good idea. Yeah, I Feel like I have a weapon out of 22 health The d4 looks yeah That's it. Oh, that's right. I forgot it was a little different with that one Okay So that's for ten you get ten back Oh almost all that's great effect Very nice. It's like that hit didn't happen ready to moderate another day Yes, hard reset you like have you tried turning it off and turning it on again? All right mimic time I think this taunt has expired for now. It kind of thinks you're a wuss Don't you turn away from me it's gonna go for Malort 14 to hit it's Oh pseudopod and I react Yeah, you have a reaction. Can I intercept? It's yeah, what is intercept? What a creature you can see hits a target other than you within five feet of you with an attack You can use your reaction to reduce the damage the target takes by 1d 10 plus you absolutely can do that So the damage would have been 14 Okay, which one's detail? Which one's detail here it's the one with ten on it this shape this one. Yeah, oh sweet. Oh, yeah five Plus what's my proficiency out to be two? Yeah, seven yep, so that means you only take seven instead of 14. Can I do a reaction as well? Yeah, all right because I have a hellish rebuke hellish rebuke it All right, so I'm gonna point my finger at it Very important part of this No, you didn't don't how Dexy can it be it's a chest well it got 19 okay But it's still half damage on a success yes, yes, yeah, he's damaged so 2d 10 Says a 6 into 10 so that is 16 so 8 Okay, image very nice. You blast it with some fire. How does it die? Oh? I Just point my finger at it and starts putting the tongue coming up right to my hand And then it's just the fire just starts at the tip of the tongue and works all the way back into the mimic and yeah Disintegrates nice a damage was enough to finish it off so that was pretty that was pretty easy. Oh Reds breathing really heavy He's killed over that was really hard it incinerates and Into ash and you've saved someone else from being fished But I also get 5 10 pit points Nice Is oh it's the fiend right? Yeah Nice job. Okay. The mimic is taken care of and now Another travel montage takes place as you walk for about 45 minutes good work team. Yes I'm so bored walk Aren't you the strongest? Lacking in the mental fortitude but you do come up on a Cave in the forest system. There's a rocky sort of Formation that you see sure enough as the onion router would have pointed you to a small a cave entrance with Kind of blue glow coming out of it and This seems to be the place. So let me know how you'd like to proceed My lord audit you go first if you want. I am brave. I will go if you ask me It's very generous of you to allow me the prestige of going in first I Will take the honor and the glory I will show investigate this Cavern it's a brave warlock. It's a brave warlock. So you guys you walking in first? Yeah, I got a support contract in case sideways Very nice The lair is a freezing cold cavern filled with towering obsidian monoliths that hum loudly and emit multi-colored RGB light At the center stands the ransom white a skeletal lich light figures clad in robes made of shredded floppy disks chanting random bits of code 435 PowerShell PowerShell Object Random code It's pure chaos nothing Anybody can roll me a perception check If they would like to it hasn't noticed you yet. You're kind of creeping in Yes, I was first so I can Yeah Okay. Yeah, you're kind of just like tripped out by this weird code chanting and you it looks pretty ominous Oh, so you don't notice anything, but if anyone wants to join him, you can also do a perception check 17 17 and so you're about right up here with him. Now. You see with a 17 is pretty good a glowing amulet Artifact dangling from its neck. It matches the description of the private key so it's around you've discovered that it's around its neck and It's just kind of like weirdly walking around and chanting and I pointed out to the other He's got the private key around his neck Oh, I didn't see that. Oh, yeah Super fast cavern You know, it's so fast because of all the RGB there's gotta be a spoiler in house And it's it's a yeah get child item get object to him for show Send this code send from line 14 What's what we need how do you guys proceed what's gonna happen here? I don't think he's gonna just give us the Super key, whatever. What is it if we reason right? We could maybe get him to give it to us. I've done one of many debate on what it all right You want to go talk to? Yes I'll come with you for just as backup. We can all support. Yes. I will wait to charge. Yes You could use our words, of course. Yes. Okay, you approach and it turns and it's like God why? Why are you here for a line 17 Execute execute block encrypt encrypt make sure the code is unaccessible. Have you ever seen Wicked Marty? I Give me the key was high enough to see that Just hand me over the key. You won't understand what its capabilities are. Trust me. I've literally been in this He says I've been in this sub with it for years Roll me a persuasion with disadvantage I'm not in trouble at all guidance as well Number 11 plus so a DC like was pretty high to have him just hand it over So he's like takes this and he holds it in his hand and he looks up at you and he just goes Enroll initiative. Oh, yeah, not persuasive enough All right So as the ransom white attacks it starts channeling like drawing energy from like all the RGB Pulling all the RGB light into itself. That's not and It looks pretty spooky. So here we go dot starts us off. I'm gonna Try and de-escalate I'm gonna be like, all right. Here we go And I have a free use of charm person I completely understand your frustration and your problem is important to us I just would really need that key for both of us Help me help you and I cast charm person so it needs to make a wisdom-saving throw. Okay, sounds good It's gonna fail for sure it looks at you and it's like de-escalate is good It's so Stressful if you just hand me that key then I'm sure we could work something out that's gonna work out for both of us I'll let you make it persuasion with advantage on your next turn. Okay, but it's like it's you know, you're cooking. Okay, I'm cooking Well, it is charmed. So it is very nice. So it's not gonna attack you in the meantime So that was a good job Thank you. You're too first day Help desk is so helpful. It is Okay, red. Give me a review Red puts a shield up if I did not want to fight you. I did not want to fight He moves towards the white. I guess I'll try compelled duel I don't think this is gonna work, but give it a shot. Give a shot. It's a wisdom-saving throw Okay, wisdom save from the ransom white another one. Oh, I think it might save this time Is this a with a yeah 19? Yeah, that's Yeah, that's, that was. It's too low, I got, nine was the roll, nine or less, I forget. Anyways, yeah, it was, he saved. Okay, so you go up there and you try to compel him to duel you and he's just like, move out of the way, I'm speaking with help desk. I already have a ticket open. Yeah, yeah, my ticket's already open. Okay. That warlock seems like a threat. I think I'll go for him first. Oh no. And then we go to the ransom white and it is going to walk past you. So it's your choice whether you want to opportunity attack or not. Why Ayana? Can I do an aggressive shove? Yeah, you could do a shove, see if you knock it prone. Yeah, go for it. That is pretty aggressive. Stop that. Is that aggressive? Don't, stop. Would that be aggressive? Kind of. Yeah, Nate. Okay, you just kind of like, just as he goes by and he just, no. You push yourself off of him. He doesn't faze him. He goes over to the warlock and he is going to use necrotic sword for the first slash and he lifts it up and draws a bunch of RGB and he's going to bring it down. Ransom strike. Ow. An 11 to hit. Doesn't hit. Ooh, nice. You duck under it. Whoa. This, yeah, RGB sword goes over your head. But then as you come up, it is going to try and life drain you. So go ahead and make me a constitution save. It's going to drain all of your currency. That's a 15. 15 saves. Okay. No touchy. Good job. Yeah. Yeah, nice. Oh, whoa. Both attacks unsuccessful from the white thus far. I've seen this before. It's not fun. And then we go to Malort. You get to respond. I'm going to cast command. I'm going to look at it right in the eyes. I'm going to say, you don't get to do that. I get to do that. And I'm going to say, look at it, speak a one word command. I'm going to say, drop it. Yeah. Ooh. Drop. I guess it's one word. Drop it. Drop whatever you want. Okay. And you're pointing at the amulet. I'm pointing at the amulet and it has to succeed on a wisdom saving throw. Wisdom. A lot of wisdom saving throws. Yeah. The third one already. Ooh. I think it's going to probably fail the nine. Yeah. 13. All right. It goes, sure. I just want to have my tickets solved. And we'll, we'll get there together. You and me. And it drops to the ground and clinks. And it's looking at you just like, yeah, I love good customer service. That's the first step. Most, there's nothing better in this world than good customer service. I agree. Brett's backed out. Get back here. I'm not done with you. oh. You're like. Why I oughta. Okay. Very nice. It just dropped it. So, are you going to bonus action? All right. You can just pick it up. Is picking it up an action or? No. Okay. Yeah. I'll say, I'll take care of this for now. Okay. Malort scoops up the private key and now you've got it in your possession. You are technically still in combat, but you can try to escape. You have it. You don't have to kill it. It's up to you. To what you do next. I haven't moved yet. Have I? You haven't. Yeah. I'm going to try and start walking back to the exit. All right. Thank you for that. He is going to make an opportunity swipe. Gonna miss. He's going to miss with a nice two. Okay. You've done a good thing. 15, 20, 25, 30. All right. If you get over there, you're out. Now it goes to, very nice job. Back up to Dot. Okay. So he's still charmed by me. So I'm just, I'm just going to also make my way on out of there and just say, it looks like this ticket is going to be closed. Good job there, buddy. You make a new friend and you just dip. Yes. Of course. It's important to have boundaries as a help desk. Right. That's true. You don't want to get involved with your, your clients. No. Yeah. Professional. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'm going to go ahead and end this call. If you'd take a short survey afterwards, I'd really appreciate it. Don't. I have more questions. Just back out. Will you move my little? Yeah. 15, 20, 25, 30. Okay. All right. And then red. I don't know. He tries to scream. Are you a lady? Are you a lady? That's what's important right now. He's pulling his net out. Are you a lady or not? It's a net. It's just a, it's a, just a question. Just a question in. With the ransom white? Yeah. And it just goes, I have no gender. I am code itself. I am the encryption, which your ransom hides behind. Okay. So if you're not waiting, I don't know. And he's gonna, you can dash, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. You both could have dashed. You could dash. Oh yeah, that's true. In your next turn. But yeah. So dash action. Yeah. 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 50, 50, 60. And he's just going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Exactly. Straight arm running. Or Naruto running. I'll figure it out. Yes. I'll figure it out. One of the runs. Then it goes to the ransom white and it's like, wait, what have I done? A dot. What's going on? Your call is so important to us. Thank you so much for calling. You're a great customer. What should I do to fix my issue? Bye bye. Bye bye. Your data's been closed. No. How dare you? Well then you can't end the call. You're right. I can't end the call. It just wants advice. What should I do? You know, I think, have you tried hobbies? Other hobbies? Yeah, hobbies. I see you kind of muttering to yourself codes. Have you tried pickleball? Oh, that's great. Oh, he's in tech. Yeah. He's going to love pickleball. Absolutely. And it's just like nodding its head. It's like pickleball. This is what I'll try. Yeah. Perfect. Social, exercise, endorphins. I'm going to start playing pickleball. Okay. This is, this is right. You might go pro. Is it a hobby or a sport? Thank you for coming here today. No, thank you. Do you like the RGB? I do. It's pretty sick. Okay. Could be better. Next time come back and bring something and we'll do a land party. That would be nice. Okay. Do you play animal crossing? No. Okay. Land party. We have done that before in the COVID days. Oh yeah, for sure. Those were the days. Those were days. Okay. Well, originally my final line was with a final echoing crash, the Ransom White shatters into a million lines of corrupted code, but instead he immediately goes to his computer and starts ordering pickleball gear. You have the private key. The Ransom White has failed in his job at protecting this whole operation for the Ransom Cabal. It's done. You got the private key. You can go and permanently encrypt the system. And so you're heading back to the Citadel? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure leaving him alive won't come back to bite us. It'd be fine. He's in pickleball now. His name will be Ben Johns in about four weeks. It's the origin story. Sorry, Ben Johns. Yes. Okay. Will you return to the Citadel and high technology officer Brent greets you anxiously? And he's like, so what happened? Did you eradicate the cult and destroy its most powerful members and retrieve the key and get plunders of treasure? Better. He's into pickleball. And I didn't see any word of gold out there. It was weird. Maybe next time. So, but you got the key. Yeah, we just had to ask. Really? It was really easy actually. You didn't destroy the ransom white? No. Yeah, why do you have to do that first? I just assumed that's what we'd have to do. Well, you know what they say about assuming. The smartest people usually don't get into conflict is what I've heard on the internet also. That's so wise. There's maybe something to that, Red. I feel like all of this has made me realize I need to join Discord. I'll make you a moderator. Why not? I just need to get back. That'll make you less violent for sure. I'm not qualified to be a moderator yet. I just, I- He pulls out, Red pulls out his knife. Would you like to be a kitten? What is it? Are you, Red-ass, are you a lady? You're a lady. What is this? This is your boss. I'm Brent. I am your boss. Well, okay. Are you a lady? I'm just Brent. Okay. Listen, just first things first, please. The private key. Okay, I'm gonna pull it out of my pocket and look at it, and I'm like, yes. Seems fine, and I hand it to him. And he's like, ah, yes. Finally. Oh, maybe I should have asked for money or something. Oh, don't worry. You will be paid. And a waffle party, right? Oh, the waffles! And a waffle party, of course. A waffle party is the least you deserve after this. Now, join me into the core of the security operation, Citadel. He goes and he inserts the private key and turns it, and the sickly red barrier dissolves, replaced by the glorious soothing green of a stable network. You are wired your double overtime for this, which turns out to be 1,000 gold pieces apiece. You get paid well at the saw. What's the conversion rate to a reddit gold? You know what, it turns out exactly 1,000. Here, give me that, and I'll give you the reddit gold. And so, if we return to these characters at this adventure, you'll have 1,000 gold to spend that we can do so before game, and you can buy things. But for now, you bypassed the roaring firewall, you outsmarted the glitches of the dark web woods, befriended the onion router, and saved the kingdom's ledgers from total deletion. The high lord weeps with joy, bestowing upon you the realm's highest honor, domain admin privileges. But just as you sit down at the tavern for a well-earned long rest, your enchanted pagers chime once more. Oh, God. A new severity one ticket glows on the screen. What fresh nightmare has the Guild of Developers just deployed to production? Will our heroes survive the next sprint? You'll have to tune in to our next adventure to find out. Thank you all for watching. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and drop a comment on this video for your chance to win the PDQ IT D&D custom desk mat. Guys, thanks so much for playing. Thanks. Thank you. The session ended up being a little shorter than we expected because, well, you just- So persuasive. You are outsmarted. A very non-violent session. This was pretty chill. It was pretty chill. And you got things done and you played your characters. I think the personality got to come out. So I really appreciate you doing this, guys. This was a lot of fun. Everyone, we hope you enjoyed it as well. Thanks for being fans of PDQ. Take care, everyone.
